Songfic based on "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler Pairings: 3x1/1x3 Notes: and here is another result of the songfic challenges between myself and Jo-san. I apologize that this is so long, but since I'm dealing with two silent characters it's going to take a lot of explaining to get them into bed together... or to get them to rolling in the hay next to the lions cage... or whatever wherever it happens. For those who don't know this creepy song is based on a teacher lusting after one of her students, thus whatever creepiness is in this fic is explained right there. Oh, and yes, there should be a lemon below somewhere. It fits too well with the lyrics to pass up. Enjoy. I apologize that this was broken into two parts, but it was just too big.

Bright Eyes by Snow Tigra Heero walked silently around the circus, just wandering for wandering's sake. It was much too late to get any rest and when he had tried earlier it hadn't worked. When was the next mission going to come? He'd been sitting around idly for so long, it seemed, he was starting to feel useless. What was the point of having a gundam if you weren't fighting? Then again racing into battle without a plan or reason was a suicide mission. Suicides were usually overdoing it... but only when they didn't serve a purpose. So instead he just roamed around the circus, taking a small amount of pleasure in the clear starry sky and cool night air. Without much direction he wandered and certainly wasn't surprised when he found himself at the opening to the main tent. Heero glanced inside, mildly surprised to see the lights blazing brightly this late at night. Moving soundlessly he stepped inside and found a seat among a set of benches that were slightly shadowed. "Come on Trowa, smile or something!" Trowa was perched upon something bright and colorful that looked like an oversized building block. He wore his normal black jeans and dark turtleneck. He sat silently, regarding one of Catherine's throwing daggers while she...scolded him? Catherine, conversely, was dressed in her normal performance attire. "It doesn't matter if I smile or not, sis." Catherine sighed. "Yeah, I know. But... I know we get a huge crowd but you could at least smile or look scared or something... we've already had numerous kids complaining that you're just a scarecrow or something. It ruins my act, Trowa!" A simple flick of Trowa's wrist and the dagger was slicing through the air at Catherine, she caught it without a second thought. It hadn't been a menacing throw, just an indication that she could have it back. In a graceful movement he dropped to the ground and slid his hands into his pockets. Quietly he walked toward the door. "Trowa!" "The lions need to be fed," Trowa murmured softly. <Turn around> "Trowa..." Catherine watched him leave the tent with a sad look. She fingered the dagger for a moment then gave a shrug. Heero watched her call together her mask of strength and stubbornness then she walked to the main tent flap and hit the switch, drowning the tent in darkness. Heero didn't move as the shadows and darkness flew up around him. He was alone, and the darkness inside the tent made the moonlight outside look as bright as day. Heero leaned back in the flat metal bench and looked to the top of the tent. Strangely he felt lonely. He was Heero, the perfect solder, the one chosen to pilot Gundam Wing, one of five chosen to create a new world. He'd never really felt lonely in his life, more of he felt out of place around the world. But for one of the first times he actually felt lonely. He wasn't even sure what had caused it... <Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round> No, that wasn't true. He understood what had caused it. It was the same feeling he got when he saw Duo joking around with Hilde... or Quatre conversing with one of the Maganacs. He'd even felt it when he saw how Wufei babied his gundam... He had to admit to himself he had felt lonely before, but only in the company of the other gundam pilots, how ironic. How ironic that the people who should have understood him the most were the ones who made him feel the most left out. <Turn around> Still, they'd never noticed how he'd felt, how lonely he had been at time. He'd made sure they'd never seen that side of him. It wasn't from fear, but more from training. <Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears> Training had taught him from a very young age to never show any emotions. Wufei would have said that emotions were weak, but no. Heero didn't show them for a very different reason. He didn't know how. He'd been taught all his life that they weren't needed, and it was true, in war they weren't. In war there was only one emotion needed, anger. Heero glanced silently back down to where Catherine and Trowa had been standing. Even in the darkness that large block was colorful. Except now it looked almost sad, sad that the light was gone and it couldn't shine. Still, no matter how sad the block was there was no way it could turn on the light. It had to wait for someone else to help. Someone else's help? Hmph. Heero stood up and left the tent, a single thought lingering. Everyone hated to ask for help, even the great Heero Yuy. ** <Turn around> Trowa reached his hand through the bars, watching the large male lion in the back corner. They met eyes, gold to green, watching each other intently. Finally the large lion stood up and walked over to where Trowa stood, allowing Trowa to run his thin fingers through the lions mane as the great beast ate his food. Trowa drew his hand away slowly as the second lion in the cage meandered over to share the food. Brushing his hand against the side of his jeans to knock away the lion's hair he turned and walked among the other cages. The other animals regarded him quietly, as if he were one of them, merely with the ability to walk outside of the cages. And in a way, he thought quietly, I am. I am one of them. An animal. He walked over to the end of the tent where they kept the props for the show and knelt beside a large chest. It was the chest that held the small props... things like extra daggers for Catherine, the wipe for the lion tamer, various small balls for juggling and other small knick knacks. Trowa picked up one of the colorful juggling balls and fingered it, turning it over in one hand. As he mindlessly turned the ball his mind went back to the show from earlier that night. "Hey! Look at that clown!" "He looks really strange for a clown. He doesn't smile. All he does it juggle." Trowa hadn't paid any real attention to the kids, kids jeering at him was normal. He was paid to juggle at the entrance, to draw in people by showing them tricks. But that particular night the kids had decided to see how well he could juggle. The second one that had spoken decided that if Trowa wouldn't smile, then he shouldn't be trying to entertain anyone. The kid had picked up a stone and flung it strange at Trowa's face. Trowa had caught the stone easily, and without missing a step he added it to the three balls his was juggling, as if it had always been there. The first kid seemed amazed by this but the second still wasn't impressed, and it wasn't long before Trowa was juggling more stones then balls, without breaking a sweat. "He is pretty good," the kid finally conceded. "Even if he can't smile." And then the mother had caught up with the kids and hurried them inside so they could get seats for the show. <Every now and then I get nervous that the best of the years have gone by> Trowa glanced down at the ball and stopped turning and tossing it. So what if I can't smile? He asked himself quietly. What would smiling gain me? What would emotions gain me? It would gain me the childhood I never had... <Turn around> A childhood spent on the battle field, from as far back as he could remember. Never being a normal kid, always fighting for some reason or another. He couldn't even remember anymore what he had been fighting for. All he could remember was that he was too valuable to hide away from the numerous battles out there. At times it hadn't mattered who's side he was on, only that he was fighting and helping out someone. Making sure someone could smile, even if he couldn't. <Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes> Trowa stood up and tossed the ball back in the chest. Shutting it quietly he happened to glance outside, past the tent flap. He watched as Heero exited the main tent and paused. The two locked eyes for a moment and just watched each other. Emotionless face studying emotionless face. And then Heero was gone, disappearing into the night in the direction of the trailer he was staying in. <Turn around bright eyes> Trowa walked to the flap of the tent and watched Heero walk away. He wanted Heero to turn back. He wasn't exactly sure why, but was pretty sure it had to do with the boy's eyes. In Heero's eyes there was emotion, even if none was betrayed on his face. <Every now and then I fall apart> <Turn around bright eyes> He'd looked in the mirror once, once when he'd had amnesia. He'd been completely shocked and terrified by the person he saw in his reflection. His reflection had been so dead, so devoid of emotion... so lifeless and feeling less. He'd left the mirror immediately and sought comfort in Catherine's arms. The part of the reflection that had disturbed him the most was his own eyes. They were dead, just lifeless dull green orbs that were hollow... doorways to a hollow soul. <Every now and then I fall apart> Have I really lost that much of myself? ** <Turn around> Trowa looked around himself, turning slowly to find himself completely surrounded by mirrors. From each of the mirrors stared back a pair of dead green eyes... eyes devoid of all life. Trowa tried to close his own eyes but he couldn't, they just all stared at him saying nothing. Feeling nothing. All windows into his own empty soul. Dropping to his knees he tried covering his eyes with his hands, but he could still see them. In fact they were so empty and devoid of life they seemed to be sucking the life out of him. Trowa shook his head, trying to make it stop. All around him he could hear the jeers from the kids… the ones from the circus... <Every now and then I get a little bit breathless and dream of something wild> "He can't smile." "He's just a dead solder, like the rest." "Those blasted gundam pilots, they don't care about the lives they've destroyed." "Just tools for the war." "Just puppets." "Just puppets on strings." "Just puppets... just dead puppets... never alive..." Trowa sat up in bed with a silent gasp. Darkness surrounded him on all sides, a welcome improvement from the mirrors and endless reflections. Taking deep breathes in an effort to slow his breathing he climbed out of the cot and walked to his own chest, much like the others each of the performers had. Trowa lifted the lid and pulled out the half mask he wore during performances. The porcelain felt cool in his hands, cool against his sweat covered face. He placed the mask over his face and fingered the smooth porcelain cheek. Strangely the tangible mask helped him stabilize his mental one. <Turn around> From behind him came a soft voice. "Trowa?" Trowa didn't respond to the voice, nor did he respond as Catherine came up from behind and slid her arms over his shoulders to hug him. <Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms> Trowa continued to finger the half-mask, seeming not to notice Catherine was even there. Then, slowly, he closed his eyes and leaned back into her arms. Catherine dropped to her knees quickly to support him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He turned his head and buried his face in her embrace, just thankful to feel her warmth and love... even if he didn't know how to return it. "Trowa," she whispered softly. Catherine held him tightly. Questions could be asked later, right now he needed to know she was near. ** <Turn around> Heero watched silently from the window as Catherine wrapped Trowa in a loving embrace that was a little bit more then would be expected from a sibling. He hadn't come to the trailer with the intent of spying, honestly he hadn't. He'd come to talk to Trowa about the lack of missions. It didn't feel right, something had to be wrong. Why hadn't they received anything yet? He hadn't intended to spy but that's what he'd ended up doing. And now, as he watched Catherine hold Trowa tightly, the loneliness didn't reappear as he thought it would. Instead, in its place, came anger. <Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry> Heero clenched his fists. The world was completely unfair. How many times had he woken up at night from the edges of a nightmare, woken up to an empty room and only his own coldness to grasp onto for support? How many time had he opened his eyes to darkness and screamed, and no one had answered? How many times? How many times had he sat there in that darkness overcome with emotion, and yet the tears wouldn't come? <Turn around> It didn't matter that Catherine was Trowa's sister. It didn't matter that Trowa had a family in the circus. What mattered is that when Trowa had woken up in a cold sweat from some unknown dream there was someone to hold him until the aftereffect faded away. That's what irritated Heero the most. The fact that someone was there for Trowa, where as Heero had no one. No one. <Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes> Heero watched the two as the anger seethed through his body. The look in Catherine's eyes... the look of love and caring. The look of... that little girl. Heero turned away and slid down the side of the trailer until he was sitting on the ground hugging his knees. The little girl and her dog Mary, she'd had the same look in her eyes. Heero sighed softly. He knew why no one was ever close to him, he'd just never admitted it to himself before. It's because you won't let them that close, he reminded himself. Because he knew that if he let them get that close and he let himself become the source of that look in their eyes... he knew that one day that person would die, or he would do something wrong and kill that look. He'd killed the little girl. He never wanted to do it again, never wanted to take that chance... never again. <Turn around bright eyes> Heero stood up slowly, his back to the window and the two embracing siblings. <Every now and then I fall apart> As he walked back to his trailer he could just hear Duo's voice, from the last mission they'd been on. "Just what in hell's name did you think you were doing Heero? Why did you try to self destruct?!" Heero hadn't answered at the time. Duo's face had slipped out of his trademark grin to a glare, the glare of a parent scolding a child. "Oh I get it! Heero Yuy doesn't get enough attention on the battle field so he decides to blow up his gundam, yeah that'll make everyone remember he's there in the fight. Well I got news for you pal, you aren't the only one fighting this war! We all are!" Heero had responded with his patented death glare and then turned and left, unwilling to let Duo finish his lecture. <Turn around bright eyes> But Duo had been right. <Every now and then I fall apart> Yeah, Duo had been right. Yet, not completely. He hadn't pressed the self-destruct to gain the spotlight... he'd pressed it because he knew the other pilots were winning the battle, where as he wasn't doing anything. He was useless that time, they hadn't needed him on that mission. He'd pressed the self-destruct on a whim, wondering if anyone would really notice if he died. Wondering if anyone would care about the cold-hearted young boy who sat in the cockpit of the killing machine known as a gundam. Would anyone have cared about his death? Would anyone have cared about him... the way he had cared when he found out that he'd killed that girl? He doubted it. He seriously doubted it. ** Trowa hugged himself tightly. Catherine had returned back to sleep, after he'd assured her that he'd be all right, and now he sat all by himself, once again in the dark. Catherine's gesture of care had been appreciated, but it didn't help at all. Before he was able to take solace in her embrace, knowing she would always be there for him to turn to. But not this time. This time her emotional response to the situation was what hurt. The fact that she cared so much actually hurt him, she didn't understand. <And I need you now tonight> But Heero would have... maybe. Heero, at times, seemed almost as dead as Trowa, and sometimes he seemed worse. Still it didn't matter if there was a chance that Heero would ever understand, because Trowa would never walk up to him and tell him. Showing emotions that weren't there was hard, asking others about theirs was even harder. NO, he'd never ask Heero to hold him when it hurt. Just like he'd never laugh with Quatre. Just like he'd never match tempers with Wufei. Just like he'd never take part in pranks with Duo... no, Trowa was the odd one out. The one who truly only fought because he had been told to. <And I need you more then ever> Those thoughts made the feelings and regret hurt more. The fear of those soulless dead eyes, the regret of things lost, the sadness knowing he could never get them back... it all wound together into a sharp blade that seemed to push right through his heart. Trowa laid back down in his cot and hugged himself tightly, just starring at the wall. The pain just continued to get worse, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. <And if you only hold me tight> Closing his eyes he relaxed slightly, imagining it was Heero who was hugging him and not his own arms. The edge of the pain and regret ebbed away slightly from those thoughts and he soon found he felt better. <We'll be holding on forever> Still, Trowa couldn't fall asleep. He knew that if he let go of the image in his mind of Heero holding him the regret and pain would return. So he just lay there, wrapped in Heero's imaginary arms. And for once in a long while, he felt very close to peace. But he did drift into sleep. Surprisingly the regret and pain didn't return, and neither did the mirrors. Instead he found himself lying next to Heero in bed. The Japanese pilot reached up and caressed the side of his face, the side that was never covered by the half mask. Whispered words of love and Trowa found himself locked in a tight embrace and passionate kiss, to which he made no protest. <And we'll only be making it right> <Cause we'll never be wrong> The dream unfolded around him in a strange hazy vision. He and Heero, lying on the cot in his trailer while Catherine slept on, obvious. It didn't matter what sounds they made, she would never wake up, she slept straight through it all. And, as Heero's mouth began to explore south, Trowa found he didn't care. He realized all clothes had disappeared long ago, but then this was a dream so anything was possible. Trowa opened his mouth and moaned silently as Heero's mouth explored every curve and bend of his body, lingering in the most sensitive places, sending shivers of desire up his back. <Together we can take it to the edge of the light> <Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time> Everything flew up in swirls and Trowa found he couldn't think. The pleasure seemed so real it couldn't be a dream, but he knew it was. Still he didn't complain, he didn't want it to stop. Just this once, he pleaded to his subconscious mind, just this once let me feel... let me have the emotions I've only heard of. Heero's mouth locked around him and Trowa's body froze in surprise and pleasure. Lightly, with his mouth still locked around Trowa, he began to tease with his tongue. Trowa groaned from the sensation, wishing for more... <All of the time> He blinked to find sunlight seeping in through the window above his cot. Trowa rubbed his eyes and frowned, the mere turning of the edge of his mouth, something almost no one would have noticed. The dream had ended there, and he'd woken up. He was tempted to go back to sleep, burying his head under a pillow, to see if the dream would pick up where it had left off. But he had chores to do before the show that afternoon. Sleep could wait. Sleep would have to wait. <I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark> Trowa got dressed in his normal attire, then headed for the animal cages. As he walked out into the early morning sunlight his mind drifted back to the dream. If Heero knew... what would he say? What would he do? What would the perfect solder do in this situation? Trowa shrugged away the thought. It wasn't important, it would never happen anyway. But he couldn't completely push the thought away, and as he passed out the food to the animals he found himself wondering about the softness of the hay next to their cages. He found himself wondering if the hay was soft, or just scratchy. Would it be a comfortable place to lay... with someone else... with Heero? <I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark> <Living in a power keg and giving off sparks> Why Heero? Trowa stopped giving out the food and leaned against a support pole, intent on digging through his mind. Why Heero? Of all people why him? He could understand maybe Catherine, after all before he'd found out she was his sister there was a hint of something there. Maybe Quatre, but then again that boy was so sweet how could anyone not like him? But why Heero of all people? He just didn't understand. All he knew was that he wanted Heero... not just for sexual purposes, he would have been perfectly happy to just have the boy's arms wrapped around him. But even that was out of reach and far away. <I really need you tonight> <Forever's gonna start tonight> Trowa put away the food buckets and went to change into his clown outfit. He'd promised Catherine he'd be there for practice. But as he made his way back to his trailer he glanced to the one Heero was staying in. No sign of the Japanese pilot. Trowa walked into his trailer and began to undress, remembering vague threads of the dream. It was going to be a long day, especially if this dream kept begging for attention. <Forever's gonna start> Trowa sighed softly. At least he wasn't throwing the knives, all he had to do was stand there. That was easy enough. But... but Heero would be up in the crowd. And with Trowa's luck he would see his fellow pilot watching from the wings. <Tonight> Yes, it was definitely going to be a long night. ** Heero watched quietly from the top of the stands as the circus below moved on to it's final act. Catherine stood in the center of the ring, her throwing daggers glimmering in the stadium lights. Off to the side Trowa stood with a large white horse. Trowa gave a small bow then flipped into the air, landing perfectly on the horse, bracing his feet at the edges of the saddle. The horse moved slightly but otherwise wasn't disturbed by Trowa's weight. Trowa made a small sound and the horse started to slowly walk around the ring. Slow at first, meanwhile Catherine threw two daggers in Trowa's direction. He caught them seamlessly and began to juggle. Heero raised an eyebrow in interest. This was a new act, he'd never even seen Trowa practice it before. Was it possible that the silent HeavyArms pilot was doing this act on the fly? Heero watched intently as the horse's pace sped up and Catherine threw another dagger, which Trowa caught and added to his juggling. The act continued in this way, the horse speeding up and Catherine throwing more daggers until Trowa was juggling all six daggers and the horse was almost at a gallop. Amazingly Trowa was able to keep his footing with very little movement, only a slight adjustment here and there. Heero found himself watching very intently, wondering how long Trowa could stay on that saddle without falling. Then the act reversed and Trowa began to toss the daggers back to Catherine who caught them with easy and style. A few minutes later the horse was at full gallop and Trowa stood without any daggers. Flipping in the air he landed on one hand and held onto the saddle, feet in the air. All around the crowd clapped and applauded. Trowa jumped off the horse and landed in a half bow. The act was over. Heero realized, as the lights went down in preparation for the next act, that he'd actually clapped with the crowd. How strange. He stood to leave as Trowa and Catherine stepped behind the curtains. ** "Ne, Trowa, where did you find time to practice that act?" Catherine asked softly as Trowa took a towel to wipe the sweat from his face. He removed the half mask and handed it to her while he used the towel. He shrugged. "Here and there." Catherine frowned and ran a hand through the ends of her hair. "Warn me next time will you? Acts like that scar me, especially when I know you haven't practiced. One of these times you're going to hurt yourself." Trowa tossed the towel onto it's hook and took the mask back. "It's not anymore dangerous then piloting a gundam." Catherine flinched slightly at those words. "I... I gotta go, I'm in the next act." As she raced out Trowa watched after her. Had he said something? She cares about you, you idiot! He chided himself, why do you have to be so difficult? Trowa fingered the mask then shrugged to himself. He wasn't in the rest of the show for the night, so he turned and headed back for his trailer. As an after thought, though, he stopped at the door to Heero's trailer, seeing the lights blazing. Upon opening the door he found Heero sitting at his laptop, the screen alight with letters. "Nimu roykai," Heero muttered quietly then flipped the switch to the laptop, the screen blacking out. He turned to face Trowa who leaned against the door frame. "Another mission?" Heero nodded and pulled his duffel bag out from under the bed. For a moment Trowa just watched him pack, a strange ache growing in his stomach. After a long silence he spoke. "It's just for Wing." Heero nodded wordlessly and tightened the strings on his bag. "It's a short simple mission, better done by one then many." Trowa nodded back, that made sense. Yet he had to force himself to step out of the way so Heero could pass through the door. The ache in his stomach grew as Heero flipped out the lights and stepped out into the night air. Heero headed for the forest near the animal tents that hid their gundams, turning back only for a second to toss Trowa the keys to the trailer. Trowa caught them with numb fingers and felt the ache in his stomach grow. <Once upon a time I was falling in love> Heero's leaving, he thought quietly. <Now I'm only falling apart> Trowa watched in silent pain as the Wing pilot walked off between the trees. <Nothing I can do> The wind picked up slightly as Wing powered up then took off for the sky. Trowa watched, clutching the keys in his hand tightly. Then Wing was gone, without more then a soft purr. <Total eclipse of the heart> Trowa headed back to his own trailer, intent on simply lying in bed covered in his own misery. Heero was gone and he was sure the dreams would return. Now that Heero was gone both dreams would be equally painful no matter what he did. He was not looking forward to sleep that night. <Once upon a time there was light in my life> <Now there's only love in the dark> Trowa stripped off the clown suit, folding it neatly and placing it in his chest, then lay down in his bed starring at the ceiling. Heero... even with his eyes open he could see those beautiful cobalt blue eyes. They held a haunting look of hidden emotions, and the look hurt. All Trowa could thing about were those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Heero's bright eyes. Sleep was no where in sight. <Nothing I can say> <Total eclipse of the heart> "Trowa?" Catherine stepped into the trailer and looked through the darkness at his silent figure. Was he asleep? No, he turned his head at her words. "Are you all right? I didn't mean to scold you before." Trowa opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. Instead he offered a very small smile then returned to staring at the ceiling. Catherine sighed and followed suit, undressing and crawling into her own bed. Yet she fell asleep almost instantly, where as all Trowa could do was replay the image of Heero walking away in his mind. <Turn around bright eyes> How he'd wished Heero would have turned around. ************* Trowa grabbed the towel and began to wipe the sweat from his face as he walked out of the main tent. Reaching up blindly he hit the switch and he circus tent went dark. Catherine raced out to his side, dropping her stride to walk in quince with him. It had been a long performance. One of the lions had acted up and it was only thanks to Trowa's quick thinking and ability to improvise that the entire thing turned out looking like part of the show. If it hadn't been for Trowa, Martin would have had to take a trip to the hospital. "It was amazing that you were able to recover so quickly, I thought that lion had gone completely out of its mind." Catherine said in her normal talkative mood. <Turn around bright eyes> Trowa merely nodded and tossed the towel over his shoulder as they headed toward their trailer. Off to the right he heard a noise and Trowa turned with practiced reflex, ready to face anything despite his lack of weapon. However the sight he found wasn't at all what he'd expected. Out of the woods next to the circus camp came a limping figure, leaning on the trees for support. Trowa's shock was echoed in Catherine's voice. "My god! Heero?!" She raced over to him with Trowa close behind. Trowa dropped into a kind of dive quickly as Heero lost his footing and fell to the ground. Luckily Trowa had moved fast enough that he was able to catch Heero so the Wing Pilot didn't injure himself anymore then he already was. Catherine knelt down next to Trowa who was looking over the now-unconscious Heero, assessing his condition. "What do you think happened?" She asked quietly. Trowa shook his head. "Not sure, but we should get him out of plain sight. Help me." Catherine wordlessly helped Trowa gently reposition Heero in Trowa's arms, then they headed for Heero's trailer. ** Heero gained consciousness the next morning yet did not open his eyes. As his mind dropped back into full awareness he took stock of his other senses. He was in a bed, a soft bed, covered with a quilt and a sheet. His left arm and left leg were bandaged and he could tell easily that the bullet had been removed from his leg, it didn't ache nearly as much as it had the night before. From the sounds he knew there was someone else in the room... someone very quiet by nature. Heero slowly opened his eyes, deeming his condition and location safe. As he suspected he found himself in the trailer the circus had loaned him for his stay with them. In the corner sat Trowa, watching him with silent green eyes. Heero opened his eyes completely and flexed a few of his muscles, testing his reactions. Trowa stood up and walked over, removing the washcloth from Heero's forehead. "How long was I out?" Heero asked as he watched Trowa risen out the cloth. "It's noon. Not even a day." Trowa dropped the cloth in a bowl of water and wiped his hands on his jeans before returning them to his pockets. "I checked out your gundam. It sustained minimal damages, shouldn't take long to fix." He turned and looked straight into Heero's eyes. "What happened?" he asked in his normal quiet tone. Heero glanced away slightly. "I got careless and misjudged. I did not allow myself enough time to escape." Trowa only nodded. Heero frowned and tried to sit up, only slightly wincing at the pain in his leg and the stiffness of his arm. Trowa started to make a move to stop him but corrected himself as Heero worked himself into a sitting position. All the while Heero watched Trowa's movements. It struck him as strange. This pilot had taken care of him, and not Catherine. In one hand it seemed logical, because Catherine would have asked way too many questions and he wasn't able to tell her anything. Yet on the other hand... it was unlike Trowa. It was also strange because Heero had never had anyone take this much interest in him, save for Relena that is. True, it didn't show in Trowa's actions but it did show in his deep green eyes. Somewhere, in the depths of Trowa's eyes, Heero saw what looked like concern. It was very well hidden, but it was there. How strange. And Trowa of all people, that was just something he hadn't expected. <Turn around> Trowa turned and headed for the door. "I'll be right back, don't leave the bed. I'll get some more dressings for the blood." Heero opened his mouth slowly as the door opened and before he realized it two words escaped. "Thank you." Trowa stopped in the doorway. Heero sat in almost complete shock. Had that been his voice? Had he been the one who'd said it? Why? What was going on? He wasn't suffering from head trauma... so why was he acting so differently? Yet his shock increased as Trowa responded. "You're welcome," he whispered quietly, then stepped out the door. ** Heero watched in silence as Trowa replaced the bandages on his leg. There was something about the movements, something that held his fascination the entire time. He couldn't place it, but he just wanted to watch Trowa's movements. Suddenly Heero realized something, this was exactly what he'd been wishing for the night before he'd received the mission. He'd been wishing for someone to take care of him... for someone to show they actually cared about him. And now here it was, in the most unlikely of places. <Turn around> What are you thinking Trowa? Do you realize how closely I'm watching you? I can't help it. Do you even realize what you are doing? Trowa looked up for a second, as if to answer Heero's silent thoughts, then went back to the bandaging. Yet in that one moment of eye contact Heero understood. Trowa knew what he was doing. With the bandages fixed Trowa went about disposing of the old ones and Heero leaned back, reflecting on the situation. He knew very little of Trowa, in fact as far as he'd gathered Trowa knew very little of Trowa. Both had been raised as terrorists but in very different ways. Heero had been conditioned to it, realizing he derived a strange pleasure from the chase and the completion of a mission. Where as Trowa, as far as Heero knew, had just grown up in the middle of wars because he had the skills and didn't want to waste them. <Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be> Heero let his mind wonder farther. What would Trowa have been like if the wars hadn't dominated his life? Would he have turned out loud and obnoxiously loveable like Duo? Sweet yet strong like Quatre? Or would he have turned out the same? <Turn around> Cobalt blue eyes met forest green and the two watched each other in silence. What was there to say? <Every now and then I know> <you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way I am> The first person to care about me, Heero thought. The same way his sister cares about him... or maybe more. He found a strange comfort in that fact. But comfort none the less. ** <Turn around> Trowa leaned against the trailer wall, watching Heero silently. He didn't understand. When he'd been changing the dressings he'd seen the look in Heero's eyes, the look of confusion and something else. Something else he rarely saw directed at him. Was it gratitude? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he had seen it in Catherine's eyes before, mostly on those nights when she'd been depressed and sought comfort in his arms despite the fact of him not quite understanding what to do. She usually only asked him to hold her, and that was enough. Loneliness! That's what was in Heero's eyes! Heero was lonely?! <Every now and then I know> <There's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you> How could Heero be lonely? He was one of the heroes of the war, a famous gundam pilot. How could Heero be lonely when he seemed to be the center of most attention, especially with Relena and Duo chasing after him? But Trowa knew the answer to that one, he knew it was perfectly possible to be lonely in a large group of people. That's how he felt most of the time. Even when performing with the huge crowds watching him, he was still alone. But Heero shouldn't be lonely, he thought. He deserves more then that. <Turn around> Trowa shook himself from his thoughts and decided to finish cleaning up the remnants of the dressings, he had chores to get to and now Heero was well enough to watch out for himself, at least for an hour or two. But as he walked past the bed he felt Heero reach out and grasp his hand. Trowa turned and met Heero's eyes. <Every now and then I know> <There's nothing any better, there's nothing that I just wouldn't do> No words needed to be said, that was the advantage two silent people had. Two kindred souls... no words were needed or said. Their eyes said it all. <Turn around bright eyes> Wordlessly Heero pulled Trowa toward him and their lips met in a soft kiss. <Every now and then I fall apart> Trowa pulled away, breaking off the kiss and looked at Heero, confused. He hadn't expected... he never thought... could he? <Turn around bright eyes> He saw the look in Heero's eyes again, the look of loneliness was there. But now there was something else, a kind of fear. Trowa realized that Heero didn't have anyone close to him. Trowa had Catherine, but who did Heero have? No one. And in this moment here was someone who might be close to Heero, but the look in Heero's eyes said he was afraid. Afraid of it not being true. <Every now and then I fall apart> And Trowa realized that in this moment there was also the thing he wished for. He knew how to comfort Heero. He knew how to comfort Heero the way Catherine had comforted him the night of the dream. He knew what to do. And it seemed in this single night his emotions were closer, easier to reach. Easier to act upon. In one movement Trowa expressed his thoughts to Heero. He leaned down and his lips met Heero's. Under the soft kiss he felt Heero relax. He himself relaxed as well. Both knew what would happen. Neither had any objections. ** <And I need you now tonight> The kiss deepened, tongues tentatively exploring in caution, neither sure exactly what to do. But they followed their emotions, followed their bodies, followed their instincts. That was enough. As the kiss deepened arms embraced each other, gently though considering Heero's injuries. They held tightly and kissed, kisses driven by hunger for more. <And I need you> Trowa found his body reacting, reacting to every touch, sound and movement. He didn't think, he just reacted. He just let his body take control, if that's what it took to grasp his emotions he'd do it. Tonight his emotions were so close, so close. He wasn't going to let them slip away, not now. Not now! <And I need you more then ever> Trowa's hands wandered, caressing Heero's body, exploring each bend and curve. His hands slid softly across Heero's back, with soft feather-like touches. Trowa felt Heero's body shiver in his embrace and his body reacted with a yearning. Trowa didn't understand half of what was going on save for one thing, his body was beginning to ache. He ached for Heero. He ached for Heero in every possible and thinkable way. <And if you only hold me tight> As Trowa's hands caressed and explored Heero's body, Heero clutched tightly to him. Trowa wasn't about to complain. Every single time his fingers brushed over a sensitive spot Heero shivered against him, and he could feel the ache from his body echoing in Heero's. He watched with pleasure blurred vision as Heero's eyes drifted shut and he leaned back, his mouth opening in a soft moan. Somewhere in the back of Trowa's mind a coherent thought registered. Am I doing this? The thought just blew him away. He'd never thought... <If you'll hold me> "Heero..." <We'll be holding on forever> <And we'll only be making it right> Heero's eyes drifted open lazily, as if it took a large amount of effort. Once again no words were needed, those bright blue eyes said everything. Don't stop, they pleaded. <And we'll never> <Cause we'll never be wrong> Trowa leaned down and held Heero tightly, pulling their bodies together. As their bodies met, despite the cloth separating them, sensation flooded their minds. Both shook uncontrollably and it was as if some button had been pressed. <Together we can take it to the end of the light> <Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time> The caresses were no longer soft and gentile, nor were the kisses. Now they kissed and touched each other with an urgency, a need expressed by both. Mouths crushed together and each seemed to drink the other up, hungering for more. Heero's wounds were forgotten and neither cared, they weren't important. Hands moved and pulled at the hindering clothing that prevented their explorations. Clothing was tossed to the floor as if it were infected and their bodies pressed together, as if the two boys were trying to meld into one being. <All of the time> Time stopped and all things faded away. The two paused as they suddenly realized what was going on. Pleasure shocked them back to their senses and instinct was pushed aside for a split second. They lay there, on the cot, naked bodies pressed together and shivering from the onslaught of pleasure and just plain aching need. Forest green eyes met cobalt blue and just stared for a moment, unsure. Unsure what to do, unsure where to go, unsure what would come next. < I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark> Trowa just stared into Heero's eyes. Then, to his surprise and Heero's, he made the first move. His emotions were in hand, his feelings close to the surface. He discovered he did know what to do, and as strange as it sounded his dream from before was what pushed him on now. They had already consented to give in to their emotions and if Heero didn't know what to do, then Trowa would do it. He wasn't letting this moment slip away, it was too wonderful to lose. <We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks> Trowa's hand slid down and touched Heero's shaft, brushing against it less then lightly. Heero's eyes widened and he gasped in surprise. Trowa took that as an agreement to his silent question if he could proceed, and he wrapped his hand around Heero. Trowa leaned forward in a kiss, softly pressing his lips to Heero's, exploring the pilot's mouth as his hand moved up and down in swift controlled movements. Beneath him Heero moaned softly, his back arching and his hips twitching... his body begging for more. As they kissed Trowa's hand slipped away from Heero, sliding softly around his thigh. Heero was about to protest when he felt one of Trowa's long fingers slip into his opening. A small cry emitted from his throat as his body cried out. It hurt, but only a little, and at the same time his body seemed to explode with pleasure, crying out. <I really need you tonight> "Don't... stop..." he was able to push out. His voice was hoarse from the cries and moans. As soon as the words were out Heero reached up and grasped the back of Trowa's head, pulling the boy back into a hard crushing kiss. He took all the sensation from Trowa's fingers and kissed harder, aware that his body was crying out from the most exquisite torture he had ever experienced. Trowa's fingers disappeared and the boy moved away for a second. Heero took the hint and repositioned himself. One look and he communicated his need, his yearning and want. Heero closed his eyes as he felt Trowa brush against him. Then Trowa slid inside slowly and Heero's body froze. He couldn't move, all he could do was lay there and shiver as Trowa moved in and out, in and out. Heero's eyes were closed and color burst under his eyelids, becoming brighter with each thrust until it was like he was completely immersed in the sun itself. <Forever's gonna start tonight> <Forever's gonna start tonight> Then everything exploded. The color behind his eye lids exploded into a thousand shards of light and both cried out. Heero felt himself being filled as he exploded and the warm liquid covered their bodies and the cot. Trowa's arms gave out and he collapsed, falling onto Heero, who numbly caught him. <Once upon a time I was falling in love> Heero lay there silently, holding the silent boy in his arms, unsure what to do. They just lay there still, the afterglow filling them and slowly ebbing away. Then Heero felt something light and wet against his chest. <Now I'm only falling apart> A tear? Trowa was crying! "Trowa?" Heero choked out the name and immediately regretted it, his throat hurt. "Are you all right?" Trowa pulled closer to Heero and more tears fell. Yet his sweat dampened hair brushed against Heero's chest as he nodded. Confused Heero just held the other pilot tightly, and that seemed to make Trowa relax. <Nothing I can do, total eclipse of the heart> In those movements Heero understood. Trowa wasn't hurt, but he needed to cry. The silent HeavyArms pilot need to cry and be held, he needed to let his emotions take over for once in his life. In this Heero was happy to comply. As the tears dripped down Heero held Trowa quietly, calmly stroking his fingers through Trowa's hair. And that seemed to be enough. ** Catherine pulled herself away from the window and leaned against the trailer, hugging herself tightly. Her heart ached, and her eyes burned with the inevitable tears. <Once upon a time there was light in my life> Slowly she dropped to her knees, her back still up against the trailer. As her knees hit the ground the tears came and spotted the ground. She cried softly for a few moments, letting the initial shock and pain fade away before she tried to think or act. <Now there's only love in the dark> Trowa was her brother, that much she knew. But besides being her brother he was also the man she loved. She knew that since he was her brother she could never have the kind of relationship she wanted to with him but... she'd come to accept that a while ago. But to see him in Heero's arms like that. Just in Heero's arms period, it didn't matter that they had had sex, what mattered was the fact that Trowa had found another person to comfort him. He'd sought comfort in another person's arms and not Catherine's. That's what hurt the most. She opened her eyes and watched as her tears fell to the ground, glinting softly in the moon light. They slowed significantly and finally came to a stop. Taking a deep breath she forced herself to get to her feet and turn away from their trailer. With regret and pain digging into her heart she made her way back to her own trailer. But the pain struck again as she saw Trowa's empty cot. <Nothing I can say> Trowa was in Heero's trailer, there was nothing she could do about that. Trowa was with Heero and not with her. <A total eclipse of the heart> And that thought hurt. <A total eclipse of the heart> It hurt more then she would ever be able to tell him. <A total eclipse of the heart> But... in the end she was his sister. Catherine dropped down onto her own cot and sighed. In the end Heero had something in common with Trowa that Catherine could never understand. The two really were kindred souls and if Heero helped Trowa get his emotions and feelings back... if Heero helped Trowa become who he wanted to be then Catherine was happy for them. Catherine was still Trowa's sister and she knew that no matter what bond was built between her brother and Heero she also had an unshakable bond with him. Trowa had them both, and maybe that was just what he needed to be happy. <Turn around bright eyes> <Turn around bright eyes> Trowa was happy. <Turn around> And therefore so was Catherine.