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SongBird
by Snow Tigra
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"I'm sorry Heero, I've decided to stay. Here? with
Zechs."
Those words brought everything to a screeching halt in Heero's
mind and for a moment the world around him seemed to freeze. A cold feeling
washed over him and his legs felt like they would give out, he almost stumbled
forward.
No, had he heard that right?
He couldn't
have.
Heero blinked in confusion and opened his mouth, trying to get the
words out. None came. Swallowing he tried again and managed a hoarse
"What?"
The longhaired boy before him frowned. "I'm sorry. But I'm
staying here. I can't go back with you, Heero."
Heero shook his head. He
couldn't process the words, his mind told him he'd heard them wrong, he must
have! This wasn't right! Duo couldn't be saying this. Why would Duo want to
stay? It didn't make sense.
Heero reached a hand forward toward Duo.
"Did he do something? Did he make you think you had to stay? Duo, I-"
Duo
shook his head, no. "No." Reaching forward slowly he pushed Heero's hand away
and watched it drop back to Heero's side, as if it had just died. "No, Zechs
didn't do anything. You said yourself Heero that you don't have a place for me
to stay? It's been solved. Everything's fine. I'll stay here with Zechs? and you
can still come and see me. But this way I have a place to live and I don't need
to hide."
"But he hurt you?" Heero whispered softly. Still the plea
sounded weak even in his ears.
Duo shook his head again, this time a
little faster. "That's been fixed. It was a misunderstanding? I'm ok now. Don't
worry."
Heero didn't know what to say. He couldn't think straight, Duo's
words just kept repeating in his head, over and over again. Duo was staying with
Zechs? Duo wasn't coming back?
He took a deep breath.
He knew he
was going to crumble if he stayed much longer. He knew his legs were going to
give out. He knew that if he stayed in that room any longer he was going to fall
to the ground in a trembling heap. He didn't know why it affected him so much,
but he didn't want Duo to stay with Zechs. He was so afraid Zechs would hurt him
again?
And what hurt him even more was that Duo seemed so determined to
stay?
He took another deep breath and forced himself to nod. Forced his
face to turn neutral and not show how much he was being torn up by this. He took
a step closer to Duo and wrapped his hand around Duo's, tightly.
Duo
stared at his hand in surprise but Heero cut off his words.
"All right,
if that's your choice, I'll respect it." Leaning forward he lowered his voice
even more, so even Duo could barely hear. "But if you need me, please say
so."
Those violet eyes widened and Heero watched them closely. But Duo
shook his head, his face growing a look of determination.
"I'll be all
right," he said in a surprisingly steady voice. "Thank you. Good bye,
Heero."
And that was that.
Heero let go of Duo's hand and turned
away, heading straight for the door. He knew his movements looked cold and that
he felt even colder but he had to leave. He had to leave before he snapped and
dragged Duo with him. He had to leave before he broke down.
Slamming the
door behind him he stepped out into the alley and broke into a run, racing as
fast as he could all the way back to his dorm room. He refused to stop running,
ignoring even the traffic as he crossed the streets, luckily there was no one to
hit him.
Upon reaching his dorm room he swung open the door and dropped
on to his bed, burying his face in his pillow.
"Heero?" His roommate
looked up in surprise.
"Get out," came the quiet, angry
mutter.
"Huh?"
"GET OUT!"
His roommate stared at him in
complete shock, but still heeded his words. In a matter of seconds the room was
empty save for Heero and he could hear footsteps hurriedly retreating down the
hall.
Heero lay in his bed, hugging himself with his eyes closed.
And he just lay there.
It was all he could
do.
**
Duo watched the door shut as Heero disappeared and felt his
body give a shudder. A soft sob escaped his throat and his mask faded, tears
finally allowed to slip down his cheeks.
That had been so
hard!
So hard to tell Heero to leave! So hard when all he wanted Heero to
do was take him away forever, away from Zechs and everything about this club
with he now hated to much!
So hard to put the final lock on his own cage,
knowing that after this he would never be able to leave Zechs again.
His
body began to shake but he just stood there, staring at the door. All he could
do was stare. He couldn't believe that Heero was gone. That Heero was actually
gone.
Warm arms encircled him from behind and Duo sighed, frowning at
himself. Somehow it wasn't surprising at all that Zechs had watched the entire
thing. Yet, he gave no protest as the warm arms wrapped around him and held him
in a loose but somehow comforting embrace. Instead Duo turned around and leaned
against Zechs' chest, letting the tears slip down his face and the soft sobs
escape his throat.
He didn't care that it was Zechs who was holding him
while he cried. Instead he shut his eyes and imagined it was Heero's arms
wrapped around him. He imagined the other boy holding him tightly and running
his hands over his hair, trying to help calm him down. He imagined it was Heero,
because the thoughts of who it actually was only made him want to sink deeper
and deeper into his sadness and never come out again. He couldn't believe he'd
just done that!
He'd just told Heero to leave his life and never come
back again. True he'd said Heero could come back to the club to watch him sing
but that wasn't the same. He'd spent such a short time with the boy and already
he knew that was where he preferred to be. In reality he just wanted to be with
Heero, not here in the club with Zechs.
"Shhh, it's ok Duo. I know how
hard that was for you." Zechs' words were soft and reassuring as the man held
him close, trying to calm him down.
Duo ignored the words and instead
just concentrated on calming himself down. It took a while but soon he was able
to stop sobbing. Drying his tears with the back of his hand he swallowed the
rest of his sadness and forced it away. As much as he hated to admit it there
wasn't any way this sadness would help him. In the end it would only make things
worse.
Pulling away from Zechs he walked toward his cage and stepped
inside. Silently he removed the colored string from his hair and stepped out of
the dress. He pulled on a long nightshirt to sleep in and moved to lie down in
the pile of pillows which served as his bed.
"Duo."
Duo swallowed
and turned back to glance at Zechs, who had moved now to his bed. The blond man
sighed softly. "You look absolutely miserable after that whole ordeal. Why don't
you sleep with me tonight in my bed, it'll help you relax."
Immediately
that set off the signs in Duo's head and his mind started screaming at him not
to. No! He couldn't spend the entire night sleeping next to Zechs. The entire
night wrapped in Zechs' arms? No! He couldn't? He wouldn't!
But his eyes
shifted slowly to the drawer of the night-side table where he knew that box was,
and he knew he didn't have any choice. Before the thought of Zechs hurting him
had scared him into running, but Duo now knew that whatever was in that box
could hurt him so much more then Zechs ever could. It had hurt so much when he
opened it?
He relented and nodded. Without a word he stepped out of the
cage and followed Zechs' beckoning to the large bed. He pulled himself under the
thick covers and rolled on his side. He did his best not to squirm when the tall
man crawled in behind him and snuggled up entirely too close to his body. The
very thought of Zechs being so close to him again almost made him shiver in
fear.
But he knew he couldn't say no, not with that box there.
So
instead Duo did his best to relax in the man's embrace as Zechs pulled himself
up against Duo's back and molded their bodies together. He spent the entire
night with Zechs' arms wrapped around him and the man's soft breath slipping
over his neck.
And the whole time he kept his eyes fixed on Heero's
forgotten jacket, which lay so far away on the floor of his cage.
And
when he finally slept he dreamt of Heero, nightmares playing over and over again
the haunting image of Heero leaving the room never to return
again.
**
Heero woke the next morning in an unusually determined
state. Despite the events of the night before he woke completely alert with a
plan in his head.
He refused to accept what Duo had said. He refused to
believe it.
And he knew that no matter what it took, he would get Duo
back.
But first, he needed to make a stop at the
library.
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